How I made the 3-word method actually work for me
What to try if your 3 words feel more like rules than freedom
I’m sitting in my hotel room in Paris, reflecting on the past 2.5 weeks of travel through Brussels, Antwerp, Lille, and now Paris. I wore every single thing I packed and there wasn’t a single day I didn’t feel like myself in my outfit.
As I think about that, I’m also reflecting on the last six months. Across all my travels—Austin, Sydney, Seattle, SF, NYC (and maybe more places I am forgetting)—I’ve consistently felt like me in what I was wearing.
That’s a far cry from where I used to be.
I won’t say the 3-word method is the only thing that helped me reach this kind of style clarity, but it’s been a big factor.
So I wanted to share what helped unlock that for me, in case it helps you, too?
The 3 word method, or style word method works GREAT for so many. But there are times when it doesn’t. And when it doesn’t, the most common frustration I hear is something like:
“But what if I want to show up differently that day?”
And the thing is, they’re right. That’s a valid feeling. Because for a lot of people, the 3-word method does end up feeling a little constraining.
But what I’ve learned after circling back to this concept across different disciplines and years is that sometimes, it’s not the method that’s wrong. It’s the type of words we’re using.
Many of us start with words that describe clothes: oversized, sculptural, polished, retro, romantic. And that totally makes sense if you’re trying to define a visual identity.
But if you’re someone who wants your style to reflect your mood, your mindset, or your energy AND you’ve felt boxed in by those visual terms, there’s another way.
Funnily enough, I first encountered it long before I ever thought about personal style.
This is a poster I designed in 2009 while I was in grad school studying Graphic Design, for a contemporary jazz dance festival called DREAMS.
It was the first time I was introduced to the “3-word method” though in a design context, not fashion. I wish I remembered the exact words I chose, but I think they were something like: Structured, temporal, playful.
The assignment was this:
Create typographic experiments for each word individually
Then combine them into one final piece
Here’s what I learned:
You have to be able to describe something before you can design it with intention
3 words can capture a surprisingly complex emotion
Tension between words leads to unexpected, compelling results
You can interpret the same word in countless ways, what matters is how it looks to you
Most importantly, the word has to be kind of visual, but not too visual.
For example, when I brought in a word like linear, our professor pointed out that it would box me in too early. That eventually evolved into structured. A word that still suggested form, but allowed for more interpretation.
At the time, I thought I was learning how to design a poster. Turns out, I was learning how to design a feeling. Which makes it not that different from getting dressed.
Years later, I saw the 3-word method make a big splash in the personal style world—most notably through the work of Allison Bornstein.
I have deep respect for AB and what she’s built. She’s helped so many people define and embrace their style in ways that feel empowering. But personally, her version of the method didn’t fully resonate with me back then. This might not be how she describes it, but to me it felt like it was about describing the LOOK of things. And that’s just not how I experience style.
My next encounter with the method was when I came across one1 of Ellie-Jean’s video on Style Roots. She encourages people to make a long list of style adjectives and narrow it down to three. I landed on: Playful, Powerful, Undone. And then I did nothing with them. I liked the words, but I didn’t know how to use them. They felt more like outfit moods than personal anchors, especially undone.
What finally clicked for me came through Amy Smilovic and how she talks about style being as a reflection of mindset. Through her work at Tibi, she references the adjectives chill, modern, classic as energetic anchors for herself and the brand.
She once pointed out that words like “’90s,” “disco,” or “oversized” are style descriptors in that they describe clothes, not people. And in that moment I had a flashback to Grad School and my typography teacher not letting me go with ‘linear’. That distinction really helped me understand why the method hadn’t worked for me before.
Because at first glance, visual and mindset words can feel interchangeable.
But they behave very differently in real life.
Take oversized and chill, for example. They might seem very similar. But they behave very differently.
If “oversized” is one of your words, you might run into a style block when you want to wear something form-fitting, like a slimmer fitting evening gown. It doesn’t match the word, so it feels wrong. But if your word is chill, that same gown might still work. It just needs to be worn in a way that feels effortless or unfussy.
The vibe still fits, even if the silhouette doesn’t. Because see if I am invited to a black tie event, I am still going to be Chill, but I might or might not wear something oversized.
Or take '70s. It gives you a clear visual of fringe, flares, earthy palettes. But what happens when you’re not in the mood for retro silhouettes? Maybe what you actually love about that era is the ease, the freedom, the rebellious creativity. A word like fluid/grounded/free based on what draws you to 70s captures that essence without locking you into a LOOK every day.
One more: think about clean vs. classic. “Clean” might conjure up minimalist lines, neutral palettes, no visible hardware. But let’s say one day you want to wear a vintage herringbone coat or a colorful silk scarf from the ‘80s, something with a bit more history or visual weight. It might not feel “clean,” but it could still be totally classic.
Classic gives you more room. Clean confines you to simplicity. Classic allows for variation, nuance, even ornament, so long as it feels timeless. But maybe clean still feels like the right word to you. In that case, ask: what do I actually mean by that?
Do I value clarity? Quiet? Intentional restraint? If so, a word like minimalist, composed, or restrained might express your mindset more clearly than a purely visual word like clean.
That’s the shift.
Visual words describe how an outfit looks.
Mindset words describe how you show up inside the outfit.
And this doesn’t mean you have to throw out the style words you’ve already chosen. But if you’re feeling boxed in by them (or they stop working on certain days), try asking yourself: Where am I getting stuck?
Sometimes, that is your clue that the word might be too literal.
For example: you love oversized. Great. But why? What about your personality draws you to it? Is it the comfort? The ease? The sense of irreverence? Maybe what you actually love is that it feels relaxed, or chill, or nonchalant. Which one of those words would also describe your personality?
Or take bohemian. It sounds specific—flowy fabrics, embroidery, earthy palettes. But what if you love those things because you’re someone who feels most at home when you’re being free, curious, or sensual? Which one of those words speak to your personality, your mindset more?
If one of your words keeps feeling “off,” don’t toss it. Just go one layer deeper. Ask yourself what kind of person wears that thing you love. And whether that person might already be you.
And here’s why I think this actually matters:
First impressions are real. Whether we like it or not, we’re always giving off a vibe. And maybe your personality is easygoing or grounded or rebellious, but if your clothes aren’t communicating that, people might not pick it up right away. What’s that stat about first impressions being formed before you’ve even had a chance to open your mouth to speak?
That’s where having the right words helps. They make sure that how you’re showing up matches how you want to be seen. When your clothes, your energy, your presence are all pulling in the same direction, you don’t have to work so hard to explain who you are. It comes through effortlessly.
But also more importantly, it you feel at peace with how you look, that’s it! That’s the key to unlocking personal style, IMHO2. Who cares if I LOOK consistent/trendy/cohesive/insert-your-bigger-style-worry-here every day, if I feel ONE with who I am inside, and how that is reflected on the outside?
My style words
I have written about my style words—Chill, Modern, Commanding3—before, including the exercise that helped me clarify them.
I like them because they reflect how I want to feel and how I tend to show up when I’m most myself. The best part is these words didn’t feel like a version of me I had to step into, it’s more who I already was. But naming it made getting dressed easier. This is where I am 100% in agreement with AB. Having these words, and using them to get dressed has absolutely been the unlock for me.
They’ve also become a filter for shopping. That doesn’t mean I reject anything that doesn’t match all three. It just gives me a gut check.
For example, I recently bought a Jacquemus croc clutch. It’s modern and commanding, no doubt. But it’s not exactly chill. I bought it anyway.
Because I AM chill. And I know that the way I’ll inevitably throw it around i.e. no babying, no dust bag will infuse that bag with my energy. On its own, it might read too polished. But in my hands it still feels like me.
That’s the thing about a word like chill: as long as the item allows me to be myself, it becomes chill by association. It adapts to me, not the other way around.
And that’s the power of using words that describe your mindset and not just your outfit. They help you make decisions, but they leave room for change. Most importantly they let you show up as yourself even when how you feel shifts a little, day to day.
So hey, if your current words are working just fine for you, don’t change a thing.
But if this post made you think maaaybe the unlock is just one layer deeper, try shifting your words. Even just a little. Ask yourself, would you describe yourself (not just your style) as those 3 words? If not, shift them just a little. Till the answer to that question is ‘yes’ and see what opens up!
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Adding a list of words here that could describe a person, a feeling, and an aesthetic vibe. This is not an exhaustive list but hopefully a good starting point.
Grounded & Calm
Chill
Relaxed
Eased out
Easy
Minimal
Quiet
Soft
Balanced
Natural
Fluid
Structured & Refined
Modern
Classic
Clean
Polished
Sleek
Tailored
Elevated
Streamlined
Sharp
Precise
Bold & Expressive
Commanding
Strong
Dynamic
Edgy
Confident
Playful
Dimensional
Vibrant
Graphic
Striking
Romantic & Emotional
Poetic
Whimsical
Dreamy
Feminine
Lush
Delicate
Ethereal
Tender
Sensual
Flowing
Creative & Unexpected
Eclectic
Irreverent
Inventive
Artistic
Experimental
Curious
Witty
Layered
Textural
Playful (can flex into this group too)
Mysterious & Powerful
Bold (also flexes into “expressive”)
Dark
Ominous
Fierce
Magnetic
Dramatic
Intense
Alluring
Moody
Refined
Other Evocative Neutrals
Timeless
Crisp
Warm
Cool
Subtle
Understated
Grounded
Radiant
Sleek
Sophisticated
Wildcards (great for tension when paired with calm words)
Unapologetic
Fluid (also in “calm,” but changes meaning by pairing)
Strong-willed
Crisp
Spontaneous
Apologies, I do not remember exactly which video this was
IMHO = In my humble opinion, because I know this isn’t a simple question with ONE right answer
Do you find it suspicious that my style words are very close to Amy’s? I do also. It is hard to say but it’s a little chicken and egg. Did I gravitate to her and Tibi because we have the same mindset? Or did I like the clothes first and THEN ended up buying all they were selling, including the philosophy? I’d like to think it’s the former.
Holy cow, you just blew my mind. The difference in describing the clothing vs the feeling. This is genuinely new information to me and WOW is it good.
I love what you’ve written here. So clear and so deep, so rich and so multi-layered!
It’s not just about the clothes…. It’s not just the visual, but the mindset, how you want to show up inside the clothes, what are you communicating? How do you want to engage with the world outside your corporeal self?