Friction Files: Week Five
The chill dial, a tie as a necklace, and why I got a lip tattoo
This week I was committed to staying home (like going to the office but home = LA), catching up, and actually sleeping. I went to bed early Monday with all the right intentions, and then Gustave had an upset stomach, woke up at 4am, my husband woke up, dropped the big light I use for filming. Loud bang, racing heart, wide awake. Safe to say, seven hours did not happen on Monday.
But four out of five days I got at least seven hours. I’m counting that as a win and moving on!
Work-wise it was high energy all week. Promotion decisions week, which means a lot of high-stakes conversations and a lot of focus. And somewhere in all of that I realized I had hit 300 hours of vacation, which is the maximum you can accrue at my company. I’ve been at the cap for months, which means I’m working without actually earning more time off. I booked Friday off partly just to use it.
Ugh idk why sometimes IG links will show thumbnails and other times they won’t. Do you? Anyway, this post has an outfit roundup from this week.
The thing I noticed this week is that I fully leaned into f*ckboy chic energy across all my outfits. I talked about the dial last week and how I turned up commanding for the summit. This week, back in LA with an intense work week ahead, I turned up chill instead. It was almost like a security blanket. The week was going to be a lot, so I wanted the clothes to feel easy.
Monday
The Ruti skirt finally came out. I bought it two weeks ago and hadn’t worn it yet, which is a red flag for me because I’m usually very excited to wear new things immediately. When I put it on Monday I felt good though. It is super interesting when I buy something coz I love it, I love it when I put it on, but then I am still not dying to wear it. Anyway, shall continue wear till I figure this one out. I later realized the silhouette reminds me of an Indian uncle’s lungi. Not necessarily a bad thing, just still deciding. Whenever I’m unsure about a piece I keep wearing it until I can figure out what isn’t clicking. I liked it enough to buy it, so something is there.
The color combination was the best part. Cobalt-ish sweater layered over a red shirt, dark chocolate skirt, cream boots. I call these dissonant colors, combinations that really shouldn’t work and are almost uncomfortable to look at but somehow do anyway. The Balenciaga printed city bag in black and white against all of that red and faded cobalt felt exactly right.
Making of this fit:
Tuesday
My body tenses up just thinking about Tuesday.
Promotion decisions week at work. I can’t say much about the specifics, but the weight of these conversations is real. The thing I love most about my job is watching people grow. Seeing someone go from good to great, or helping accelerate a career that’s already moving is THE reason why I do what I do. That’s what gets me up in the morning. And that’s also exactly what makes days like this hard, because these feel like small decisions from the outside but they can completely change the trajectory of someone’s life.
I had wanted to wear the Balenciaga pointy shoulders blazer. Had been craving it all week. Got dressed, looked in the mirror, and as I was heading out the door something felt off. I think the structure was too much for what I was walking into. I took it off and threw a cardigan on instead, ending up with the cardigan, black maxi skirt, white tank, long crystal scarf, burgundy loafers. Softer, and more held just felt better for this day somehow. Here’s it in action:
Wednesday
My car was at the shop all week. It kept throwing an error mid-drive and the chassis would go wrong, turning every ride into motion sickness. So I took Waymo to work most days, which meant extra time where I’d normally be driving. I read more than usual. It was mostly fine, except Wednesday when I had errands to run and the whole thing became annoying.
What I kept thinking about in the Waymo was that when I first moved to LA I had no credit history and no money to buy a car. I took the bus for about two years, which is genuinely hard to do in this city. It was strange to notice how dependent I’ve become on having a car, and how much of my sense of independence is tied to it now.
The outfit was one of my favorites of the week. Jo.S pants (the ones from last week’s No Agenda). I paired it with a cashmere shirt and a tie. A lot of people hesitate with ties but to me a tie is just a necklace. When I wear button-ups I sometimes don’t know how to wear a necklace because it interrupts the shirt’s lines, but a tie solves that completely. With the softness of the cashmere and the ease of the pants, the tie was the right kind of friction. See, it is a little unexpected, a little menswear, and it balanced everything without looking like I was trying too hard (or if I was I couldn’t tell).
Thursday
Thursday was effectively my Friday since I had the day off coming up, which meant it was also the day I found out I have to do an overnight trip to New York in two weeks. Aaaaand it is a week before the longer New York trip I already had planned. So now I am gonna have to do two NYC trips this month, on two consecutive weeks. Great!
I had been really looking forward to a stretch without travel. That is apparently not what’s happening.
It’ll be fine and productive, I know that! Whenever I actually do these trips I’m fine with them. But Thursday had that specific energy of a week that was almost over and then got a little longer. I finally got the Balenciaga blazer moment right though! Track pants that look more formal, easy shirt, white belt, blazer on top, colors I really liked. Really, really liked how this came together.
Friday
Day off because 300 vacation hours aren’t going to use themselves!
I got lip blushing done! This was my third session over five years. For anyone who doesn’t know, it’s essentially a lip tattoo that adds color and definition. Right after the appointment your lips swell up and look like you went very enthusiastic on fillers, which is a fun look for running errands. It settles down and I really like how it looks.
I keep doing it because I hate wearing lipstick. Once I leave the house in the morning I’m not maintaining my look. I am not reapplying sunscreen, not brushing my hair, definitely not touching up my lips. Lip blushing means I can just go. I have a lot of tattoos so I’m not anti body modification, I’m just not into fillers and that kind of upkeep. This feels different to me because it’s low maintenance by design and it just makes me look more awake without any effort on my end, which is exactly what I want. That said, I have zero judgment for fillers or any of that kinda work. I just simply can’t muster enough energy to be bothered by what someone else is doing to their face. And it is SO easy to fall into the trap of ‘everything I do is justified, everything someone else does is not OK’. Anyway, moving on!
For the day I wore the red winslows with a blue shirt which is? Yup, another dissonant combination, cool blue against hot red, vibrating and a little uncomfortable in a good way. The Row flippity-flops! In the evening I changed into my new paint-splattered denim shorts with a tank layered under the leather hoodie because it got chilly. The leather hoodie is so perfect for LA weather, I have been wearing it daily for my evening walk.
Friday evening I went to the Indian grocery store. I’m having friends over for dinner Saturday and when I do cook I usually make Indian food. I don’t cook a lot honestly, I feel like that time could be better spent on other things, but when I do I genuinely like it.
We had dinner there, although my husband had eaten a late lunch so he just sat there while I ate, which I was mildly annoyed about but fine, it made sense. Then we went for our evening walk. A couple of months ago we started this practice of walking together in the evening and telling each other three things we’re grateful for. It’s become one of my favorite parts of the day.
In the beginning we used to struggle to come up with three new things. Now we usually end up at four or five because there’s just too much. That felt like the right way to close this particular week. Idk, maybe I will take this moment to express gratitude here. And I invite you to pause and do the same. Do it in your head, or write it down somewhere, or if someone happens to be sitting next to you, tell them your 3 things and ask them for theirs. Anyway, here are mine:
Grateful that I have started this weekly journal practice.
Grateful for sunny weather today in Los Angeles
Grateful that I LOVE the Tibi calciminuninium-whatever shorts. Coz you know sometimes you see something, think you will love, then when they arrive you’re like, “nah!”. Glad that didn’t happen.
Four out of five nights with seven hours of sleep, no travel, and I finally wore the skirt. The week delivered!
I’ve been writing these journal entries for five weeks now, and last week I made the decision to call this series Friction Files. Friction is what makes outfits interesting. That’s the whole Friction Formula, that’s why I pack the way I pack, that’s why I reach for the tie instead of the necklace. But writing these has made me realize that’s also just what life is. These entries are about outfits as much as they’re about life, and life always has friction in it.
I want to be careful here because people are going through real hardship and actual trauma, and that’s not what I’m talking about. That kind of friction is just the weight of being human in the world right now and I don’t want to romanticize it. What I mean is the other kind. The discomfort that comes from growing, from things not being familiar yet, from choosing the color combination that shouldn’t work. That friction is actually really good, it means something is happening!
Next week is another whole week at home without travel (oh god please!). Going to try to keep the sleep thing going. We’ll see.
Btw, the dial is a real thing. I’m convinced everyone has one, it’s like how you are always you when you talk to your boss vs. your grandma, but you turn different dials up and down. Same thing, with style.
No Agenda
No affiliate links, no brand deals, nobody paid me anything. Just stuff I actually like and want to share.
I’ve written about these before and I’ll write about them again because I wore them a lot this week. They’re just so perfectly chill. They show skin but still add visual weight to the bottom half, the shape is really good, and they go with everything. Sometimes you buy something and it just becomes part of how you live. These are that.
Kiko Kostadinov Fiore Twisted Bag
I don’t own this, I’m just fascinated by it. The suede texture is very fall-y but the draped twisted shape and the texture say summer, and somehow it works in both directions at once. I keep coming back to it.
Tibi Bond Wool Twill Detached Lapel Liam Blazer
I DO own this and it’s one of those pieces that genuinely works across so many situations. I wore it to a black tie event and also to casual hangs and it made sense both times. The detached lapel is what does it, I think. It has the structure of a blazer without the formality, so it doesn’t lock you into one kind of occasion. This specific listing is on CleOwave, which is a Tibi resale marketplace, size S, nearly new, $350. If it’s your size I’d move on it.
Ok ok that’s it for this week! Thanks for reading <3
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Find me on Instagram @astahearts for more outfit overthink-ery!
And this week as a throwback, I am going to link you to 3 posts that I TRULY believe will help EVERY SINGLE PERSON figure out this style thing so go read if you missed even one of these:
Maybe you cannot wear whatever you want? Lines and Shapes Part 1
Sorry, sorry for the clickbait-y title! You can absolutely wear whatever the hell you want. And you should. But if you're here, I’m guessing you care about style. And you even potentially overthink every outfit, every choice. Why some things work, why others don’t, and what works for
Reading your friction files feels like reconnecting with an old friend. That Balenciaga blazer was meant for you. Wow, what a great piece among a wardrobe of great pieces. I also love to just hear about your life as a woman kicking ass in STEM. Not all fun and games though (of course!), two back to back trips to NYC from LA sounds really draining. I guess you wouldn’t want to just stay between those two trips and maybe go chill at a spa in the Hudson Valley, use those 300 hours up?
Now I need a sparkly tie.
I learn many things from you, Asta, and not all are about style. I'm struck how decisive you are and then quickly move on...probably because I'm an indecisive Libra. 😊